What does “stuck” really mean?

What does it mean to be “stuck”?  Often times I feel stuck! Stuck in my life (in general), in my business, in my health, in my relationships!

I’m sure you know the feeling when you just want something different, better, or more, but you don’t know what “that” something! 

Fortunately, this feeling doesn’t happen in all areas of life for most of us all at the same time, nor does it last forever. I also refer to this feeling as being in a “rut” with no way out. No choices. No choices other than what I have always done before, which often results in an unwanted or undesired state.

Recently I read an article on MindBodyGreen “5 Things to Do If you are Feeling Stuck in Life” , which had a great discussion about how critical the feeling of stuck can sometimes make one feel.  As a society and culture we do not like the feeling of being stuck. We have a desperate desire to get out of the stuck or unwanted state.

Sometimes, we want it so badly that we focus all our attention on the feeling of being stuck and can’t possibly see how to get to a desired or wanted state. This feeling becomes real.  It may lead to anxiety, depression and self-loath.  

What do we do about it? 

The good news is that we don’t have to stay in this unwanted state forever.Yes, it feels uncomfortable, but it’s important to listen to the “stuckness” and let it evolve to something positive.

The idea would be to allow ourselves to set in this feeling of being stuck and listen.  Listen to what may need attention. Be curious as to how to transfer the experience of being stuck and move through to the other side where more options exist.

When I find myself in a rut, I often find myself avoiding what needs to be accomplished or focusing on what I can’t change.  These are few things I find for myself that help me get out of my rut:

  1. Talk!  Get it out. Find someone to talk with to share about being stuck.  Getting it out helps the brain process and relax. Being able to voice the feeling allows other options to be heard.
  2. Journal.  Similar to sharing, journaling opens up options and allows the brain to stay curious. 
  3. Listen to your thoughts - Pay attention!  This is a big one. Often times when feelings of being stuck arise, they may arise out of feelings of inadequacy, or inferiority.  What are we saying to ourselves? Turn those negative thoughts into positive thoughts.
  4. Dream.  Dream Big.  Think about things you want or desire instead.  Ask the question, “I wonder what I would do if things were as I wanted (rather than stuck)?....AND then do it!

Being in a stuck state is never a pleasant experience, BUT being aware when the stuck state is present and then giving yourself permission, helps ease the unpleasantness and prevents an occurrence from happening again too soon. 

Want to talk more about being stuck? Schedule a time with me on the calendar and we'll talk through your options.

5 Tips to Positive Self-Talk

What do you say when you talk to yourself?   You know that nagging voice inside your head that ALWAYS has an opinion!?!?  Is it positive or negative? Chances are the inner critic can be negative, loud and clear!

Sometimes it may sound like this “I’m so clumsy.”  “I’m dumb.” “Nothing ever works out.” “I'm so fat.” “I’m ugly.”  “I can’t do this!” Why are we so mean to ourselves? It’s time to show ourselves some love and talk to ourselves like our BFF, our neighbor, a stranger, a child, a love interest or our pets!

Negative self talk can be destructive, counterproductive and can prevent us from having a good day but mostly a successful and fulfilling life, which we all know we deserve!  

Research shows that we spend a quarter of our waking lives engaged in internal (and external) self talk!  So how do we change that negative inner chatter to POSITIVE (much-needed and appreciated) chatter?

Have you ever received a compliment or positive feedback from your significant other, your friend or maybe even a stranger?  It feels GOOD! So good, sometimes you feel like you CAN do anything!

Here are  a few tips to create more positive self talk in your life so you can start living your best life now!

Become Aware!  

This is where the M-A-G-I-C happens! Pay attention to when the negative self chatter creeps in!  Notice when this occurs. Once you recognize and become aware of the negative thought pattern it will be easier to stop it in its tracks and turn those negative voices into positive voices.

Talk to yourself like you would a good friend! 

Show yourself some compassion and love.  If you are able to become of aware of your thought patterns, you may be able to recognize that you wouldn’t speak to a good friend this way, why speak to yourself in this manner.

Give your Inner Critic a fictitious name.  

This one is great and allows the brain to dissociate from the thought or feeling.  For example, when I am feeling insecure and lacking confidence, the negative inner critic, “Nelly” comes in.  I welcome her. I acknowledge her and then thank her for sharing and ask her to leave! I promptly follow with positive thoughts of “I am worthy.  I love you, and you are great!

Gratitude!  

Once the negative chatter is recognized.  Replace the negative thought with two grateful thoughts.  For example, “I am fat.” Replace with “I lam grateful for my health.”  “I am grateful for my beautiful kids.” Focusing on the positive attracts more positive!

Have a positive mantra you can replace the negative thought.  

Similar to when you name your inner critic, you will have a preset mantra to say when that inner voice creeps in and becomes loud.  For instance, “I am proud of you. I love you. You are great!”

Creating positive self talk starts with recognizing the thought pattern of how we talk to ourselves.  Give yourself a break and interrupt those negative thought patterns with gratitude, positivity and compassion.  This is not to say everything is always “peachy keen” and “roses”, but in fact, it is how you pick yourself up, cope and keep going that matters!

What does Freedom mean in your life?

Freedom. What does that really mean?

There's certainly a lot of talk about our freedoms these days. What does freedom mean to you?  It has me reflecting on what does freedom truly mean?

Not freedom as in the sense of “I’m an American and I have freedoms and rights!”  But what about freedom in our day to day lives? How do we limit ourselves and our beliefs by not giving ourselves the freedom to BE. We (Americans) like to talk about living our lives to the fullest, but are we?  How many people are 100% satisfied with the jobs and their careers? Where they live? Their health? Are we really free and choosing what we want for ourselves?

It is such a gift to be able to create the purposeful life we want to lead instead of enslaving ourselves in self-doubt or the life that someone else wants us to lead.   After contemplating this thought I wondered what does freedom really me?? 

I closed my typing window and turned to my friend, “Professor” Google.  Google in fact defines freedom as the “power or right to act, speak or think as one wants without hinderance or restraint, “the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.” 

When I read this last definition, It made me think that we could possibly be imprisoned in our lives by not living the life we want or deserve. What would freedom look like in our lives if we are not hindered or restrained?  And then how do we create freedom and a purpose in our day to day lives?  

Next thought…where do I see freedom in my life. Aha!  I think I may see it. Over the last 2-3 years, I have worked really hard on creating freedom in my life.  After a busy, on the go lifestyle in Los Angeles, we (my husband and I) decided to take a step back to create freedom in our lives. 

One of these areas that I wanted more freedom was my career. I am now starting my own business as a Health Coach and working part-time as a pediatric Oncology nurse. This is what freedom looks like to me!   Creating a life that I love without restraint so that I can be me and do what makes me feel empowered to speak or act without restraint.

It’s not always easy, but I do find that I feel less constrained when I am able to create my own schedule, make my own decisions about how I want my business to look like AND I get to serve others by helping them become their best self!  

To keep my freedom intact I definitely have to constantly check in with my self and stay grounded in my WHY. By staying connected to my roots of WHY Is exactly what the definition of freedom is for me. Not only am passionate about helping others live their best self, having my own business creates the freedom in my life to be ME and to share my self authentically with others.  Without this connection, it becomes very easy for me to lose my way and thus lose my freedom.

I wonder where others could create freedom in their lives to live with freedom - without feeling imprisoned or enslaved by our thoughts, actions or perhaps what others want our lives to look like. 

Want to talk more about what freedom could look like in your life? Schedule a call with me using the calendar on this page and we'll talk about your options.